The Shotgun Blog
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hank Reardon, hedge fund manager
Via Alex Tabarrok at Marginal Revolution comes this brilliant story "Atlas Shrugged Updated for the Current Financial Crisis"
"Damn it, Dagny! I need the government to get out of the way and let me do my job!"
She sat across the desk from him. She appeared casual but confident, a slim body with rounded shoulders like an exquisitely engineered truss. How he hated his debased need for her, he who loathed self-sacrifice but would give up everything he valued to get in her pants ... Did she know?
"I heard the thugs in Washington were trying to take your Rearden metal at the point of a gun," she said. "Don't let them, Hank. With your advanced alloy and my high-tech railroad, we'll revitalize our country's failing infrastructure and make big, virtuous profits."
"Oh, no, I got out of that suckers' game. I now run my own hedge-fund firm, Rearden Capital Management."
He stood and adjusted his suit jacket so that his body didn't betray his shameful weakness. He walked toward her and sat informally on the edge of her desk. "Why make a product when you can make dollars? Right this second, I'm earning millions in interest off money I don't even have."
He gestured to his floor-to-ceiling windows, a symbol of his productive ability and goodness.
"There's a whole world out there of byzantine financial products just waiting to be invented, Dagny. Let the leeches run my factories into the ground! I hope they do! I've taken out more insurance on a single Rearden Steel bond than the entire company is even worth! When my old company finally tanks, I'll make a cool $877 million."
Go and read the whole piece. One of the funniest things I've read on McSweeney's in a while, and that's saying a lot.
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You left out the best part:
"Your mind gives me the biggest boner, Dagny Taggart."
Posted by: Matt | 2008-11-29 8:50:14 PM
I think Hank needs to get Dagny off his mind...
(20 minutes on the desk ought to do it)...then get out there and kick some ass...too funny.
Posted by: JC | 2008-11-29 9:40:40 PM
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